she was a learning experience for a variety of reasons. for one, i've never made anything stuffed. it wasn't as hard as i thought it would be (granted, she is pretty basic). for two, i had to figure out how to make a tiny little dress without a pattern. i ended up writing my own. i think it turned out pretty well, if i do say so myself. afterall, i did make three other dresses in the process. one of which looks more like a vase than a dress (plus side to that, totally already know what to do if i ever need to make a tiny vase!). for three, i had to figure out how to attach hair. not as easy as you may think (a small amount of trial and error on that one). so, that's what's been done recently. there will definitely be more to report next time.
i had an exceptionally negative attitude for a good chunk of june and the very beginning of july for various reasons that i won't get into here. i generally pride myself on being positive and optimistic and, for the most part, content. the last several weeks, however, i was living on the other side of that coin. when i finally noticed my own negativity, i was dreadfully embarassed with myself. instead of really making the effort to look on the bright side, i had been dragging my poor attitude around and practically beating my friends and family with it. not cool.
it is one of those things where, once i finally realize what i've been doing, i have to stop and really think about what has been causing me to behave that way. to be honest with myself, it is never just one thing or an easy fix. there's usually a small amount of dissatisfaction and a large amount of frustration (generally job related). i know in my head that it is a mind over matter deal. as my mother has said numerous times, "you can do anything for a short amount of time." and much to my chagrin, she's right. and i know that. i practically chant it to myself some days. thing is, i think my mindset has been wrong. i've been thinking of it as something to get through and deal with, but, while that may be true to an extent, there's more to it. there are other things going on too. there's more to life than getting through the next day of the week. there's more than just dealing with it. there's life out there to be lived, not necessarily apart from the daily grind, but along side it in harmony. every life song has some minor undertones to it. they grant it depth and different level of emotion. they don't rule the piece, they add to it in ways that the major tones can't. wow. that metaphor works, but it kinda got away from me.
anyway, i guess my point is that it shouldn't be about the minor tones and what causes them, but how the composer reacts to them and blends them with the rest of the composition (i know, again with the music metaphor, can't help it). okay, i need to abandon that. anyway, you know what i mean. taking the less than wonderful feeling and experiences without letting them rule you. it is hard. i know i can't do this on my own, but being the stubborn human being i am, i keep trying to anyway. i'm just gonna have to try and remember that God is in control and to let him carry me through.
i'm probably going to start sounding like a broken record soon, but my previous prayer still needs saying. God, guide me on a path of contentment and peace that only you can provide.
