well, it is already september and i can hardly believe it. the last several months have simply skipped over me, it seems. i guess this means it is time to buckle down and really start turning out hats. that's right all, i've declared this Christmas to be a Christmas of hats. please try to contain your rightfully enthusiastic excitement in check. i know it is hard, but i'm sure you'll manage some how.
so far in the task of Christmas hats, i've gotten one done. or at least i thought i had. every Thanksgiving, my husband's side of the family does the big reunion thing. the day after every Thanksgiving, his immediate family (first cousins, aunts, uncles) does Christmas. all the first cousins are put in a rotation so you don't end up giving/receiving to/from the same person every year. this year, i have the youngest cousin (i believe he is nine). i always try to make my recipient something i think they'll like, so i asked his older sister what kinds of things a nine year old boy likes. from the given list, i determined that he would also be getting a hat this year. well, this past saturday, i sat down and for the very first time managed to some how turn out the entire hat in one day (can be seen here). so yesterday, i got a message from his sister asking if i knew how to knit a beret. i don't, but i told her i could probably figure it out and asked why. apparently, our nine-year-old cousin has decided he wants a beret. i ask you, what nine-year-old boy asks for a beret? i was speechless when i read her response. so, this morning, i started looking for a pattern that i believe i could possibly figure out before Thanksgiving. wish me luck on this one.
this highly unexpected request of my cousin's got me thinking about how often i feel i am guilty of misreading and misjudging others in my life. i know that when i myself feel judged in any way, i have a tendency to be really indignant about it. i always feel like they are beyond wrong to even think they would know how i would respond or think or feel about something. but then, never long after those feelings of indignation, i'll catch myself doing exactly the same thing. who am i to say that my nine-year-old male cousin wouldn't want a beret? that's exactly like someone saying that i'm a girl so i therefore cannot possibly like or enjoy X. i hate it when i get pigeon holed that way, feeling truly irate toward people that do it continuously. but here i am, guilty of precisely the same behavior.
you know, jesus fell victim to preconceived notions all the time. they thought he was supposed to lead them to victory in battle as a fierce leader. well, he was a fierce leader, just not the one they envisioned. the two differences between us are a)that when he was misjudged, he never became angry with his accuser and b) he never judged in return. i wonder, if (with god's help of course) i could control my temper and thoughts upon realization that others were wrong in what they thought of me, who would i be? if i could avoid anger and ill thoughts toward others, i would surely be a different person. i would not care that they were wrong because i would truly not care what they thought. i would probably go through life much happier with myself and who i am. the confidence i would have would be seated in what god thought of me, as opposed to what people thought. my outlook would be different, more positive, more encouraging. if i could manage to not judge others, i would be substantially more optimistic. i've no doubt about that at all.
i like to think that i don't care what others think of me, but i know that i am lying to myself. i do believe that was once that way, even if it didn't last for long. so, as i slowly knit to myself and learn my way around my needles and yarn, i think i'm going to work at being my contemplative. really think about who i am, where i'm going, and what part god is playing my life. he's obviously there. i've just chosen in the past to ignore him. thus far, ignoring him hasn't gotten me anywhere i like being, in any respect. it is time acknowledge and work on getting back on his track.
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