one done only to start another

okay, it is practically december and i have completed another christmas present. finally. it was the headband from hell. this was one of those projects where it should have only taken a quarter of the time it actually took to finish it. so irritated with myself. i probably had to pull out a good eight inches total along the way due to my being slightly distracted. however, it is now done and you can see it here.
so, all that frustration aside, we now have a grand total of (insert drum roll here) four completely finished items and one that still needs eyes. so almost five. considering my considerable lack of speed (in my opinion, not shared by my non-knitting relatives), not bad at all. so, now i'm moving on to the wedding shawl. technically, it should be a couple more hats, but my gracious father and dear hubby have decided that the shawl should take priority since it has the hardest deadline. aren't they the sweetest!?
anyway, the wedding shawl. my best friend is getting married at the beginning of january (it should be cold) and is wearing a strapless dress (gorgeous but not entirely practical for the weather), so i've decided to make her a shawl to keep her warmer. she knows it is coming as she helped me find the exact color of yarn she wanted, surprisingly an exact match of main wedding color (not actually surprising). so, tonight's goal is to do a swatch, probably a little bigger than the average swatch. this is mostly because i'm going to practice the wet blocking on it. yay for learning a new skill!
awesome. so, the wedding shawl. i'm really excited about this for a couple of reasons. first, ever since i got married, i absolutely fall apart at weddings. lame. i know. anyway, i go to pieces every single time because i flash back to my own vows and the feeling of security and love and hope that went with them (and still do). so every time i hear someone else (especially someone close to me) saying their vows, i can just see their eyes light up with promise and the knowledge that they'll be sharing their journey from that moment on (i'm a bit of a sap). this shawl is going to be their for their journey. second, and i'm fully aware of how corny this is going to sound, God. i know, but bear with me on this one. they are getting married two weeks after christmas, the entrance of Christ into our journey. there are many references to God looking on his people as a bridegroom looks on his bride. so, this whole life journey as partners thing always refers straight back to our relationship and journey with God. just like her soon-to-be husband (if not more so), He will be by her side for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. i am so excited to see her start on this journey for three (her, him, and Him). i'm liable to embarrass myself with tears at this one.

how can i keep from singing...

i think God is trying to tell be something today, because as soon as i reached the point this morning that i decided that i was not a fan of this day in any way, shape, or form, the song that pops into my head and refuses to vacate the premises is this one:

"There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing"

i love this song. perhaps my day will start to improve now. here's hoping.

sing with me, how great...

i am that nerd that will sing, out loud, whatever song happens to be stuck in my head. if i don't know all the words, i will be whistling at full volume. this is liable to happen anywhere. parking lots are common. work, more often than i care to admit. home, all the time. you get the idea. doesn't matter at all what the song is. if i'm thinking about babies, it will be a lullaby. if i just got out of my car, it is more than likely to be oldies. if there isn't a thing going through my head, there will suddenly burst forth a song from church. perhaps God is trying to tell me something.
on the rare occasion that words or whistling isn't spouting forth from my mouth, i can almost guarantee that i am moving. if i'm standing up, i will be dancing about. if i'm seated, i call it chair dancing and head bobbing. i try to make sure there isn't anyone around, however i'm seldom successful. i'm far too easy to sneak up on. this is especially problematic when at a store of any kind, they always have something playing.
i know all of this is rather random, but i was reading adam young's blog and couldn't help thinking about this. i must say in response to that particular post, that i am completely guilty of crying every time that song is sung at church, to the point that it would be exceptionally embarrassing if anyone turned around and noticed. an "i'm fine" is never a sufficient answer when surrounded by people that love you. go figure.
anyway, all of this thinking led me to ponder, where did this particular reaction to music in general come from? well, the singing and humming and whistling came from mama. no question about it. the one of the things i distinctly recall from every age i've been is my mother's humming. not necessarily a tune of any kind. just humming. it was always, and continues to be for that matter, the most soothing sound in the entire world. followed by running water. i dunno, i guess continuing the music on after what others can hear has died away is possibly the most comforting thought i've got. some things never die away. there's a metaphor there that i really don't think needs to be explained (your hint: God's love). one of those things is definitely my mother's humming. it is like a heart beat. i think my heart hums, possibly along with a greater song, the audible music for which is simply turned too low to be heard by most.
the dancing part is easy. that comes from two places: my parents and my dance teacher. my parents because when i would (and still do) dance around like a crazy person will assure that i am, in fact, not crazy and will often join me in whatever movement is happening at the time. my dance teacher for helping me actually be coordinated and loving me despite how bad i'm certain i was at times. thanks teri. you'll probably never truly understand how much class with you did for me and my self-confidence.
all that to say, God is so good. i think the singing and dancing and music are the closest i've gotten to communing with him. i think knitting is getting close to that level. after all, His creativity begot ours and praise comes in every form there is.
no point is holding it back. praise him with everything you've got (no matter how crazy you think you may look).

gotta keep on chugging along

okay, well, let's see...what have i accomplished lately...
over last weekend, while on our churches family retreat, i started and finished the scarf for my mom for christmas, which you can see here. i'm actually fairly proud of this one, not because it was super complicated or i had to learn some amazing new skill to make it, but because of how it helped me build relationships. (just so you know, i'm fully aware of how corny this is going to sound.) as i was working on it, the girls i was there with were ooo-ing and ahh-ing over it (mild self-esteem boost for me) and talking about how they would love to make one too! well, of course i informed them that i would be thrilled to teach them how. from that conversation, we all decided that we should get together on a fairly regular basis to hang out and be crafty and play cards. personally, i find this to be a fabulous idea for a couple of reasons. a) i'm not the best at making new friends so this group wanting to get together with me fairly often is exciting. b) i love to knit. i just do. getting to show others how and them being excited about it is beyond delightful to me. afterall, what is the point in creating if others cannot enjoy it with you?
this idea of being in community completely ties back into the kinds of things that we talked about at retreat as well. we discussed living and being in community as a way to live daily in the presense of God. so, as these things usually go, it got me thinking about the different communities i'm involved in (ie. work, home, church, friends, etc.) and wondering if i'm living in such a way as to welcome the presense of God into those communities. am i really creating community the way God wants community to work? are any of us really supporting, loving, welcoming, or being in community properly? well, i like to think that i do, but it goes back to what i said about loving properly. we tend to believe what we want to be true, not necessarily what is true. so, i think i'm going to put this on my "things i need to consciously work on" list, because if we aren't functioning properly in community, are we really functioning properly individually? something to ponder. well, wish me luck and lend me prayers! i'm going to need them.

the race to christmas begins...

wow. it is already october...weird...
well, i believe i mentioned the thanksgiving cousin christmas exchange that happens every year and the whole beret thing. well, i finished the beret! huzzah! you can see it here.
it was a mildly frustrating experience for a couple of reasons. first, my increases and decreases were done without any appropriately used stitch markers. (i have since finally figured out how they work. i'm a tad slow on the uptake sometimes.) so that was frustrating and caused the whole thing to be mildly lopsided. second, somehow managed to drop two stitches without noticing until four rows later. (on the upside, learned what to do about that...sorta.) third, i could not for the life of me figure out how to remove the provisional cast on. more on that in a minute. fourth, i completely finished the before realizing i had used the wrong size needles on the brim, which made it look...well... the only description i can come up with i'd rather not admit to. if you really want to know, please ask as it is mildly humorous if not terribly awkward. anyway, i had to remove it without completely destroying the rest of the beret, which was only managed by pure luck when i somehow managed to unwittingly discover how to remove the provisional cast on which shouldn't have been there at that point to start with. huzzah for happy accidents!! well, all that to say that it is done and looks pretty decent, all things considered.
so, now that what absolutely had to be done before thanksgiving is, i've started working on things i have more time for (everything else). i don't think i've shared this yet, but this is to be a year of hats. everyone is getting head gear. hats are generally fairly quick and not too complicated, making them excellent gifts.
i started the first of will turn out to be three to five identical hats (we'll see how many actually happen) almost two weeks ago and it is going rather slowly, much to my chagrin. it is kind repetitive right now. i need to just sit down with a movie and go for a few hours without having to think. that usually works fairly well for the tedious repetitiveness, we'll see.
anyway, all the thoughts about christmas (which yes, i realize, is still two months away) have been reminding me of not only the family and friends on my "to knit" list, but also of the kids that our non-profit takes care of. i mean, if i keep up the pace and really focus, i could be done with my christmas "to knit" list before thanksgiving. after that, i can start working through my stash and get a few things made for some of them.
after all, is it not (almost) the season to think of others? yes, i completely agree that we should keep the spirit of generosity and love alive and kicking throughout the year. however, this is the time of year that reminders of the spirit are prevalent. anyway, that's not the point. i know that i love receiving anything from others that i can tell came from their heart. why wouldn't a group of kids that have had it especially hard not enjoy the same thing? plus giving from the heart is something we should always be doing. after all, is that not what happened with Jesus on a regular basis. eating with the poor and associating with the lowly not because he was supposed to, but because he loved them with his whole heart and spirit. i know that i want to love like that. i also know that i probably have a long way to go, personally, before i am fully capable of doing so properly, without selfishness or anger or...i don't know exactly. i don't think i have those at the moment. i guess God's the only one that knows for sure. we humans have a tendency to convince ourselves that we are doing things for only the right reasons. i mean, think about it...hitler is an excellent example.
anyway, all that to say that i think i'm going to challenge myself to work on that. giving with everything i've got in me. wish me luck and lend me a prayer, i'm going to need it. i'll keep you posted.

summer is rapidly dwindling

well, it is already september and i can hardly believe it. the last several months have simply skipped over me, it seems. i guess this means it is time to buckle down and really start turning out hats. that's right all, i've declared this Christmas to be a Christmas of hats. please try to contain your rightfully enthusiastic excitement in check. i know it is hard, but i'm sure you'll manage some how.
so far in the task of Christmas hats, i've gotten one done. or at least i thought i had. every Thanksgiving, my husband's side of the family does the big reunion thing. the day after every Thanksgiving, his immediate family (first cousins, aunts, uncles) does Christmas. all the first cousins are put in a rotation so you don't end up giving/receiving to/from the same person every year. this year, i have the youngest cousin (i believe he is nine). i always try to make my recipient something i think they'll like, so i asked his older sister what kinds of things a nine year old boy likes. from the given list, i determined that he would also be getting a hat this year. well, this past saturday, i sat down and for the very first time managed to some how turn out the entire hat in one day (can be seen here). so yesterday, i got a message from his sister asking if i knew how to knit a beret. i don't, but i told her i could probably figure it out and asked why. apparently, our nine-year-old cousin has decided he wants a beret. i ask you, what nine-year-old boy asks for a beret? i was speechless when i read her response. so, this morning, i started looking for a pattern that i believe i could possibly figure out before Thanksgiving. wish me luck on this one.
this highly unexpected request of my cousin's got me thinking about how often i feel i am guilty of misreading and misjudging others in my life. i know that when i myself feel judged in any way, i have a tendency to be really indignant about it. i always feel like they are beyond wrong to even think they would know how i would respond or think or feel about something. but then, never long after those feelings of indignation, i'll catch myself doing exactly the same thing. who am i to say that my nine-year-old male cousin wouldn't want a beret? that's exactly like someone saying that i'm a girl so i therefore cannot possibly like or enjoy X. i hate it when i get pigeon holed that way, feeling truly irate toward people that do it continuously. but here i am, guilty of precisely the same behavior.
you know, jesus fell victim to preconceived notions all the time. they thought he was supposed to lead them to victory in battle as a fierce leader. well, he was a fierce leader, just not the one they envisioned. the two differences between us are a)that when he was misjudged, he never became angry with his accuser and b) he never judged in return. i wonder, if (with god's help of course) i could control my temper and thoughts upon realization that others were wrong in what they thought of me, who would i be? if i could avoid anger and ill thoughts toward others, i would surely be a different person. i would not care that they were wrong because i would truly not care what they thought. i would probably go through life much happier with myself and who i am. the confidence i would have would be seated in what god thought of me, as opposed to what people thought. my outlook would be different, more positive, more encouraging. if i could manage to not judge others, i would be substantially more optimistic. i've no doubt about that at all.
i like to think that i don't care what others think of me, but i know that i am lying to myself. i do believe that was once that way, even if it didn't last for long. so, as i slowly knit to myself and learn my way around my needles and yarn, i think i'm going to work at being my contemplative. really think about who i am, where i'm going, and what part god is playing my life. he's obviously there. i've just chosen in the past to ignore him. thus far, ignoring him hasn't gotten me anywhere i like being, in any respect. it is time acknowledge and work on getting back on his track.

a summer for learning

okay, i finished my entry for the prayer shawl contest at the end of april and you can see it on my ravelry page here. my mother-in-law absolutely loved it! :D
after i finished that, i realized that our cousins were having their baby in may, so i got to work on a some wash cloths and a burp cloth for them. you can see them here and here. i really hope they liked them. they came out super soft.
anyway, so now i've started working on christmas gifts. yes, i realize that it is only june. yes, it is imperative that i start now because i'm kinda slow. i decided a while ago that this would be a christmas of hats. anyone that gets anything from me this year is getting a hat or hat-like object. currently working on hubby's hat. it is gonna be good. :)
i've got quite a few things in my queue at the moment. once i finish this hat, i'll actually be working on a scarf for my friend kayla. she's moving to montreal of all places and i don't want her to freeze. so, i'm working on learning to yo. i know that sounds silly. i feel silly every time i say it. hubby always looks at me funny when i mention it (i talk about knitting a lot for no adequate reason). i'll say something like "okay, time for some yo-ing" or "gotta get my yo on." i know i sound absolutely ridiculous every time, but sometimes feel like i need a pep talk when i am trying to teach myself something new and since i'm teaching myself, i'm the only one that can give that pep talk. i usually feel like i'm back in middle school volleyball, cheering on my team mates. you can do it! you'll get the next one! you've totally got this! you know, insert generally encouraging phrase here kind of things. well, on a team of one, there are only so many team mates to cheer you on.
actually, now that i think about it, there's really no such thing as a team of one. i mean, god is always on your team and in the stands and coaching on the side lines... hadn't really thought that about that. i mean, i've been working on my yo-ing and it hasn't been looking right, but everytime it looks wrong something compels me to frog it and try again. that 'you'll get the next one!' feeling. it makes me feel good to start over and try again, feeling cheered on through my mess ups and my start overs. i know that god is so much more than that, but at the same time, isn't that why he's here? to help us keep going? to cheer us through our rough patches and help us know that we can in fact do it?
i know that god is more than a cheerleader for my life, but it feels really good to think of him sitting in the middle of that small set of bleachers with a big foam finger on his hand, chanting "you can do it! you've totally got this!" while i sit on the floor, trying to learn to yo.