the race to christmas begins...

wow. it is already october...weird...
well, i believe i mentioned the thanksgiving cousin christmas exchange that happens every year and the whole beret thing. well, i finished the beret! huzzah! you can see it here.
it was a mildly frustrating experience for a couple of reasons. first, my increases and decreases were done without any appropriately used stitch markers. (i have since finally figured out how they work. i'm a tad slow on the uptake sometimes.) so that was frustrating and caused the whole thing to be mildly lopsided. second, somehow managed to drop two stitches without noticing until four rows later. (on the upside, learned what to do about that...sorta.) third, i could not for the life of me figure out how to remove the provisional cast on. more on that in a minute. fourth, i completely finished the before realizing i had used the wrong size needles on the brim, which made it look...well... the only description i can come up with i'd rather not admit to. if you really want to know, please ask as it is mildly humorous if not terribly awkward. anyway, i had to remove it without completely destroying the rest of the beret, which was only managed by pure luck when i somehow managed to unwittingly discover how to remove the provisional cast on which shouldn't have been there at that point to start with. huzzah for happy accidents!! well, all that to say that it is done and looks pretty decent, all things considered.
so, now that what absolutely had to be done before thanksgiving is, i've started working on things i have more time for (everything else). i don't think i've shared this yet, but this is to be a year of hats. everyone is getting head gear. hats are generally fairly quick and not too complicated, making them excellent gifts.
i started the first of will turn out to be three to five identical hats (we'll see how many actually happen) almost two weeks ago and it is going rather slowly, much to my chagrin. it is kind repetitive right now. i need to just sit down with a movie and go for a few hours without having to think. that usually works fairly well for the tedious repetitiveness, we'll see.
anyway, all the thoughts about christmas (which yes, i realize, is still two months away) have been reminding me of not only the family and friends on my "to knit" list, but also of the kids that our non-profit takes care of. i mean, if i keep up the pace and really focus, i could be done with my christmas "to knit" list before thanksgiving. after that, i can start working through my stash and get a few things made for some of them.
after all, is it not (almost) the season to think of others? yes, i completely agree that we should keep the spirit of generosity and love alive and kicking throughout the year. however, this is the time of year that reminders of the spirit are prevalent. anyway, that's not the point. i know that i love receiving anything from others that i can tell came from their heart. why wouldn't a group of kids that have had it especially hard not enjoy the same thing? plus giving from the heart is something we should always be doing. after all, is that not what happened with Jesus on a regular basis. eating with the poor and associating with the lowly not because he was supposed to, but because he loved them with his whole heart and spirit. i know that i want to love like that. i also know that i probably have a long way to go, personally, before i am fully capable of doing so properly, without selfishness or anger or...i don't know exactly. i don't think i have those at the moment. i guess God's the only one that knows for sure. we humans have a tendency to convince ourselves that we are doing things for only the right reasons. i mean, think about it...hitler is an excellent example.
anyway, all that to say that i think i'm going to challenge myself to work on that. giving with everything i've got in me. wish me luck and lend me a prayer, i'm going to need it. i'll keep you posted.

summer is rapidly dwindling

well, it is already september and i can hardly believe it. the last several months have simply skipped over me, it seems. i guess this means it is time to buckle down and really start turning out hats. that's right all, i've declared this Christmas to be a Christmas of hats. please try to contain your rightfully enthusiastic excitement in check. i know it is hard, but i'm sure you'll manage some how.
so far in the task of Christmas hats, i've gotten one done. or at least i thought i had. every Thanksgiving, my husband's side of the family does the big reunion thing. the day after every Thanksgiving, his immediate family (first cousins, aunts, uncles) does Christmas. all the first cousins are put in a rotation so you don't end up giving/receiving to/from the same person every year. this year, i have the youngest cousin (i believe he is nine). i always try to make my recipient something i think they'll like, so i asked his older sister what kinds of things a nine year old boy likes. from the given list, i determined that he would also be getting a hat this year. well, this past saturday, i sat down and for the very first time managed to some how turn out the entire hat in one day (can be seen here). so yesterday, i got a message from his sister asking if i knew how to knit a beret. i don't, but i told her i could probably figure it out and asked why. apparently, our nine-year-old cousin has decided he wants a beret. i ask you, what nine-year-old boy asks for a beret? i was speechless when i read her response. so, this morning, i started looking for a pattern that i believe i could possibly figure out before Thanksgiving. wish me luck on this one.
this highly unexpected request of my cousin's got me thinking about how often i feel i am guilty of misreading and misjudging others in my life. i know that when i myself feel judged in any way, i have a tendency to be really indignant about it. i always feel like they are beyond wrong to even think they would know how i would respond or think or feel about something. but then, never long after those feelings of indignation, i'll catch myself doing exactly the same thing. who am i to say that my nine-year-old male cousin wouldn't want a beret? that's exactly like someone saying that i'm a girl so i therefore cannot possibly like or enjoy X. i hate it when i get pigeon holed that way, feeling truly irate toward people that do it continuously. but here i am, guilty of precisely the same behavior.
you know, jesus fell victim to preconceived notions all the time. they thought he was supposed to lead them to victory in battle as a fierce leader. well, he was a fierce leader, just not the one they envisioned. the two differences between us are a)that when he was misjudged, he never became angry with his accuser and b) he never judged in return. i wonder, if (with god's help of course) i could control my temper and thoughts upon realization that others were wrong in what they thought of me, who would i be? if i could avoid anger and ill thoughts toward others, i would surely be a different person. i would not care that they were wrong because i would truly not care what they thought. i would probably go through life much happier with myself and who i am. the confidence i would have would be seated in what god thought of me, as opposed to what people thought. my outlook would be different, more positive, more encouraging. if i could manage to not judge others, i would be substantially more optimistic. i've no doubt about that at all.
i like to think that i don't care what others think of me, but i know that i am lying to myself. i do believe that was once that way, even if it didn't last for long. so, as i slowly knit to myself and learn my way around my needles and yarn, i think i'm going to work at being my contemplative. really think about who i am, where i'm going, and what part god is playing my life. he's obviously there. i've just chosen in the past to ignore him. thus far, ignoring him hasn't gotten me anywhere i like being, in any respect. it is time acknowledge and work on getting back on his track.

a summer for learning

okay, i finished my entry for the prayer shawl contest at the end of april and you can see it on my ravelry page here. my mother-in-law absolutely loved it! :D
after i finished that, i realized that our cousins were having their baby in may, so i got to work on a some wash cloths and a burp cloth for them. you can see them here and here. i really hope they liked them. they came out super soft.
anyway, so now i've started working on christmas gifts. yes, i realize that it is only june. yes, it is imperative that i start now because i'm kinda slow. i decided a while ago that this would be a christmas of hats. anyone that gets anything from me this year is getting a hat or hat-like object. currently working on hubby's hat. it is gonna be good. :)
i've got quite a few things in my queue at the moment. once i finish this hat, i'll actually be working on a scarf for my friend kayla. she's moving to montreal of all places and i don't want her to freeze. so, i'm working on learning to yo. i know that sounds silly. i feel silly every time i say it. hubby always looks at me funny when i mention it (i talk about knitting a lot for no adequate reason). i'll say something like "okay, time for some yo-ing" or "gotta get my yo on." i know i sound absolutely ridiculous every time, but sometimes feel like i need a pep talk when i am trying to teach myself something new and since i'm teaching myself, i'm the only one that can give that pep talk. i usually feel like i'm back in middle school volleyball, cheering on my team mates. you can do it! you'll get the next one! you've totally got this! you know, insert generally encouraging phrase here kind of things. well, on a team of one, there are only so many team mates to cheer you on.
actually, now that i think about it, there's really no such thing as a team of one. i mean, god is always on your team and in the stands and coaching on the side lines... hadn't really thought that about that. i mean, i've been working on my yo-ing and it hasn't been looking right, but everytime it looks wrong something compels me to frog it and try again. that 'you'll get the next one!' feeling. it makes me feel good to start over and try again, feeling cheered on through my mess ups and my start overs. i know that god is so much more than that, but at the same time, isn't that why he's here? to help us keep going? to cheer us through our rough patches and help us know that we can in fact do it?
i know that god is more than a cheerleader for my life, but it feels really good to think of him sitting in the middle of that small set of bleachers with a big foam finger on his hand, chanting "you can do it! you've totally got this!" while i sit on the floor, trying to learn to yo.

broadening my horizons

okay, the crusade on clutter is going really well. progress on that front has finally been made and is actually sticking to the point that it is not continuously nagging my conscious. so let's talk about something else.
i am entering a contest! and i am super excited about it! i've been working on my entry for a month now and it is half way finished. i'm really proud of myself. it is a prayer shawl contest with lion brand yarn (http://www.homespunprayershawl.com/). you are supposed to make a prayer shawl for someone that has inspired you out of lion brand homespun. i've discovered that, while it is exceptionally soft and lovely to look at, it tends to unravel rapidly if you don't knot the end immediately upon cutting. frustrating, but the result so far has been worth it. you are also supposed to write 200 words about why you made it for the person you made it for. i think fitting it into just 200 words is going to be the hard part.
anyway, i'm excited about this for a number of reasons. first, this is really the first time i'm really challenging myself in terms of a time line. i'm pretty slow when it comes to knitting, but i love it so much it doesn't bother me. having a specific window of time in which to finish is motivating me to really push myself, in terms of my general speed. second, my husband told me that he admires my knitting. the fact that he thinks it is impressive means the world to me. i know that i'm really hard on myself. i don't think i'm super smart or talented or anything. he keeps trying to convince me i am all those things. now, he is really on me about it because there is something he can point at and say "i could never do that. it is completely amazing to me." so, there's that. and third, i feel like i am really starting to come into my own on something. working on this particular project is finally convincing me that this is something i really love to do. it is making me want to learn more. admittedly, i don't know a whole lot right now. i'm still just working with the basics. there are so many techniques and stitches out there just waiting for me to figure them out and bend them to my will. i'm pretty much teaching myself here. i know that this is going to sound weird, but knitting makes me feel powerful and confident.
i believe that God creates us all differently with different gifts and abilities. we can't all be good at everything. and admittedly, we shouldn't all be good at everything. that would be chaos. we need other people. that's really all there is to it. for the longest time, i've wanted to be able to do it all myself. i've finally made peace with the fact that i can't. i don't want that anymore. i want to figure out what God made me to do. and while i don't know for sure that i've found it, i feel certain that He is looking down and smiling to himself at the fact that i am back in a place where i am challenging myself without comparing myself to others. i feel like he knows what we need, who we need. and as long as it isn't destructive, He wants to share His infinite creativity and help us understand, meeting us exactly where we are.

so far, so good, what next

well, once again, it has been a while. we've been trying to get organized at our house. cleaning, storage, fixing, hanging, all the fun stuff. i've told myself several times that i'm not allowed to start something new until i've completed the space to do it in. i'm really bad about not completely finishing what i start, as i've recently discovered while cleaning and trying to get organized. i keep coming across all of these different projects that i started at one point but never saw to completion. not good. anti-productive, if you will. and i've decided that it is high time i put my butt in my chair and see some of them through. admittedly it won't be all of them as some of them have been rendered irrelevant by time. however, having made several good strides toward separating them into two piles, "aught to finish" and "can't remember why started," i feel like progress is being made. the room i'm working on is almost finished, as far as organization can take it, and i'm down to the junk i haven't been able to force myself to throw away up to this point. that is my goal for this week, get rid of the useless junk i don't need or use. a cleansing, if you will, of things and potentially a way of thinking.
there's too much clutter in my life, all of which is entirely my own fault. it is time to step outside of myself and take a serious look at whether i really need these things in my life. do i really need all my old movie tickets? probably not. the candles i don't use? no. the potential regret after ridding myself of some things? no. random knickknacks that were gifts? those are more difficult. on the one hand, they were gifts that could be potentially asked after. on the other, they are taking up space, collecting dust, and being a general guilt trip. it is high time that i trust God with all of the decisions i'm personally too scared to make myself. honestly, who cares if i get rid of random knickknack #12? is it really important in the grand scheme of things? certainly not. well, either way, something must be done.
i am completely aware that this all sounds more than a tad whiny. i've been going over it in my head for years. however, as i grow older, i start to realized that most of the piddly little things aren't important. i need to stop stressing myself out about what others will think of me based on what i hold on to in life. that doesn't even make sense. what does make sense is thinking about the bigger picture. this is a big world we live in and while everyone has their part to play, our part is more based on our hearts than on the things we can't seem to let go of, especially the junk. so, it is time for cleansing. let's purge the junk from our minds and hearts.

starting the new year right

first, it has been a bit. i know. holiday seasons do that.
anyway, the holiday season always offers ample opportunity to get creative. holiday creativity for me always begins at home. my christmas tree is themed differently each year. this year was gingerbread people. last year was stained glass stars. the year before that was candy canes. i like to make all the ornaments by hand. it makes it personal and fun. i usually have a friend or two that will come over and lend a hand. once we have children, we will decide as a family on the year's theme and work together on the decorations. i think it will bring us closer together and create tons of memories that will certainly be cherished.
that is what i see as the whole point of the holiday season. coming together and cherishing each other and the wonderful gift from God that the season celebrates.
back to work now. this week we played "musical offices," switching around and painting generally making sure everyone has a place to be. we moved out of the middle of the hallway and are now in the old hr room. we have so much space!! it is wonderful and quiet. i can see out the window. i love looking out and seeing all the little houses and cars going by. looking off into the distance and seeing the west texas version on mountains rising from the horizon. my plant is actually seeing sunlight for probably the first time ever. my window is such a blessing. whenever i get to the point where i just can't focus much longer, i take a minute and look out and just breathe.
i guess that is about it. good times.

fun at work

so they are having an office/cubicle/door decorating contest at work. there's a mysterious prize for the winner tomorrow. no idea what it is. the rumor is that it is a day off. wouldn't i love that. anyway, i don't actually have an office...or a cubicle...or a door of any kind, so i've decided to decorate the very small part of my desk that isn't awkwardly cluttered (corner behind my monitor). it won't be much for two reasons: a)very limited space and b)very little time. there was an email last week and judging is tomorrow.
anyway, i'm startlingly excited about my idea. first, i'm going to toot my own horn a moment. i'm a master of felt. with a decent idea, i can make almost anything out of felt. back to the idea. i've worked up a panel to hang from the back of my monitor. it has a host of angels singing Gloria (not actually singing) the small gumball machine that usually resides in the space is going to be covered in felt to look like a globe with a tiny banner that reads Peace on Earth. i'm really excited. i'll have to post a picture when it is done and up.
it probably won't win (based solely on size) but i'm having fun doing it and that is what really counts. creating for the pure joy of it. i bet this is a small taste of how God feels, excited, satisfied, proud. i like the way He puts it when he's done. "it is good." i like that a lot.