moving on

let me just say that i don't know about you, but for me, july was absolutely crazy.
first the important stuff, knitting. did a good bit of it this last month. submitted to three challenges for nerd wars (one of which was only partially finished). doing my part for the team. woo! go team 4-panel! so, for the nerd culture challenge: big (nerd) love i submitted a d4 shaped dice bag in honor of team meeples. you can find the pattern here.

made it for a friend of mine that also enjoys a round of d&d.
for the team spirit challenge: it's fun to be bad, i submitted a pair of fingerless gloves that would look awesome on poison ivy. however, they are for me for when the weather here dips back down to a temperature that doesn't lend itself to cooking on the sidewalks. sigh, someday. you can find the pattern here (Ravelry page, login needed).

they turned out really well, better than i really expected. i guess i'm improving with my dpns after all. :D

so yeah, july was long for a variety of reasons. after my family finally finished moving my grandparents (mom was super stressed over the whole thing), it was time to pack up my brother and sister-in-law for their move to new york. the week they left was rough. still having a bit of a time with my brother being so far away. to top that week off, the hubster's grandmother departed this world for the heavenly one. the funeral was really sweet and we got to see lots of family that we wouldn't normally. while we are sad she is gone, she had been battling alzheimer's disease since before i even met the hubs (according to him). i learned loads about her that weekend, and was greatly saddened to have never truly met this remarkable woman. when she was herself, she was an amazingly hospitable and godly woman that never met a stranger. i really do wish i could have know her. if you could, please keep the family in your prayers. they've temporarily lost a wonderful wife, mother, and grandmother and could use some uplifting.
so, during this month of losses (some greater than others), i've learned a good bit. i've learned that following your God with all of your heart leads you down a path of love. granted, i technically already knew this. however, really seeing how such actions played out over a lifetime was inspiring and beautiful. i pray i have the courage to follow my God at least half as loyaly as she did.
on a completely unrelated note, i've also learned that i am not as slow to anger as i would like to be. i've been rereading a favorite recently, Little Women, for the umpteenth time and i was reading chapter 7 or 8 (i don't recall which) in which amy burns jo's little book as an act of revenge and jo is dealing with her anger. she describes her anger as all-consuming and wild, growing to the point that you are capable of terrible things and take pleasure in hurting the feelings of others. i read this chapter almost immediately after being exceptionally frustrated and fuming with someone. i was struck by it. i thought back to my behavior and was instantly wholly embarrassed with myself. upon mentioning said situation to the hubster and how i hadn't meant to be awful, he informed me that he had been mildly frightened and on looking on me in that moment had seen malicious intent in my eyes and heard it in my tone. i didn't know what to say. jo's own anger and repentance immediately popped into my head. try as i might, my anger remains my "bosom enemy" as it does jo's, never to be cured, only to learn control. so, if you don't mind, i could really benefit from any prayers you would care to throw my way on this matter. and if you haven't read Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, you should. just saying.
so, this has been quite a month for moving on. i continue to learn more every day. i pray fervently that i may truly learn to love properly from God, who is abounding in love. i pray that i may not fall head first into the all-consuming fires of anger and learn to control my temper and sooth my agitation with lashing out from God, who is slow to anger. i also ask forgiveness from any victims of my anger.
may God continue to work on us all, no matter what our "bosom enemy" may be.

adjustments need to be made...

well, june was quite a month. lots of things going on. i made my first doll as a result of a nerd wars challenge, for instance. she is based on Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham from probably my favorite web comic, Questionable Content. she turned out really well and just so cute! you can see her here.

she was a learning experience for a variety of reasons. for one, i've never made anything stuffed. it wasn't as hard as i thought it would be (granted, she is pretty basic). for two, i had to figure out how to make a tiny little dress without a pattern. i ended up writing my own. i think it turned out pretty well, if i do say so myself. afterall, i did make three other dresses in the process. one of which looks more like a vase than a dress (plus side to that, totally already know what to do if i ever need to make a tiny vase!). for three, i had to figure out how to attach hair. not as easy as you may think (a small amount of trial and error on that one). so, that's what's been done recently. there will definitely be more to report next time.
i had an exceptionally negative attitude for a good chunk of june and the very beginning of july for various reasons that i won't get into here. i generally pride myself on being positive and optimistic and, for the most part, content. the last several weeks, however, i was living on the other side of that coin. when i finally noticed my own negativity, i was dreadfully embarassed with myself. instead of really making the effort to look on the bright side, i had been dragging my poor attitude around and practically beating my friends and family with it. not cool.
it is one of those things where, once i finally realize what i've been doing, i have to stop and really think about what has been causing me to behave that way. to be honest with myself, it is never just one thing or an easy fix. there's usually a small amount of dissatisfaction and a large amount of frustration (generally job related). i know in my head that it is a mind over matter deal. as my mother has said numerous times, "you can do anything for a short amount of time." and much to my chagrin, she's right. and i know that. i practically chant it to myself some days. thing is, i think my mindset has been wrong. i've been thinking of it as something to get through and deal with, but, while that may be true to an extent, there's more to it. there are other things going on too. there's more to life than getting through the next day of the week. there's more than just dealing with it. there's life out there to be lived, not necessarily apart from the daily grind, but along side it in harmony. every life song has some minor undertones to it. they grant it depth and different level of emotion. they don't rule the piece, they add to it in ways that the major tones can't. wow. that metaphor works, but it kinda got away from me.
anyway, i guess my point is that it shouldn't be about the minor tones and what causes them, but how the composer reacts to them and blends them with the rest of the composition (i know, again with the music metaphor, can't help it). okay, i need to abandon that. anyway, you know what i mean. taking the less than wonderful feeling and experiences without letting them rule you. it is hard. i know i can't do this on my own, but being the stubborn human being i am, i keep trying to anyway. i'm just gonna have to try and remember that God is in control and to let him carry me through.
i'm probably going to start sounding like a broken record soon, but my previous prayer still needs saying. God, guide me on a path of contentment and peace that only you can provide.

happy towel day all! :D

today is may 25 or, to nerds in the know, towel day. towel day is celebrated to honor the life and work of Douglas Adams. if you haven't read the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy yet, then i strongly recommend that you do. after all, "A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have."
may has been pretty good so far. since nerd wars: tournament the first ended with april, it has been a month to rest the creative muscle and just relax. as a result, i made my first pair of fingerless mitts, which you can see here.

they didn't turn out as well as i would have liked, but i'm still practicing with double pointed needles. all things considered, i really like them. bonus: my hands no longer turn to ice cubes at work! huzzah for working hands!
speaking of nerd wars, tournament the second is starting at the beginning of june! i've applied for different teams this time around, so i'm hoping i get my first choice. i'll know on friday when they announce the rosters. if i do get my first or second choice, i've already got a variety of ideas and i couldn't be more excited about some of them. :D w00t!
so, in this month of no deadlines, i learned that i can get things done in a timely fashion without the pressure of said deadlines to push me. got my mitts done in less than a week (i think keeping track of the actual hours of work would make me super neurotic)! so proud of myself. it feels like i'm growing in a variety of ways and i know that isn't my doing. God is so good. i just pray that He continues to show me things the way He has been. it is such a wonder to experience the smallest percentage of the joy i know He has when working on His own creations. i know my own joy doesn't really compare, but creation isn't a contest. it is a labor of love on so many levels.
i can't wait to see what He has in store for me.

april is, finally, over.

wow. i'd like to start by praising God that i lived through the last month. i am fully convinced that i would have been a much angrier and vengeful person without Him. now, on with everything else.
april signified the last round of Nerd Wars: Tournament the First. so, of course, i submitted things for a couple of challenges. first, in the Giving Geeks category, the challenge was tsunami and earthquake relief. there were a great many suggestions as to what one could do to contribute. i chose to make the DanDoh scarf in green. please read about it here on the designer's blog. i chose to think of it as one is supposed to think about a prayer shawl (or at least the way i choose to think about a prayer shall). when i make a prayer shawl, i have a specific person in mind for it. as i work on it, i keep them in my thoughts, pray for them and the things going on in their lives. as the knitter (and this may just be me), i find it to be an incredibly moving experience. my goal during prayer shawl creation is to be consumed, not by the knitting, but by intersession. don't get me wrong, i'm not terribly good at it, my mind has a serious tendency to wander about without my noticing immediately. but hey, it is something i'm trying to train myself in. i have a good feeling that i'm going to treat baby blankets the same way when i eventually start making them. anyway, second, in the Team Spirit category, the challenge was EXTREME ULTRA MEGA BIG CHALLENGE OF DIFFICULTY (their use of capitalization, not mine). it actually had nothing to do with team spirit at all, to the point that you couldn't get team spirit points due to the nature of the challenge (the name of which was rather misleading). it revolved around spring cleaning. the objects was to finish up two works-in-progress (wips). i finished the only one i had and then did some stash busting for the second half of my entry. for my wip, i finished up my brother's hat. his wife had requested a hat for him in grey. his only request was that it be long enough to cover his ears. for my stash buster (an item made to use up some amount of yarn in one's yarn stash), i used up the last of some red and white cotton i had. i made three headbands (only one of which i liked and have worn). the first is three braided i-cords (this is the best one). on the second, i attempted to put a diamond shape in the middle, causing the whole thing to function better as an eye patch than a headband. on the third, i ran out of yarn, so it turned into a bracelet or anklet instead. ce la vie. the point is that i did enough to get all of the points for the challenge (using up yarn i didn't know what else to do with was definitely a bonus though).
so, at this point in what is now may, i am working on a gift for a delightful nine-year-old girl (more about that later) and trying to decide is want to participate in tournament the second that starts in june. having trouble deciding. also, if i participate again, do i want to change teams? again, having trouble deciding. let me know if you have any thoughts on the matter.
so, this past month has been more than a little trying (loads of work related stress). as a result, i've been working on adjusting my attitude. i know that i won't stay at my job forever, just until tiny ones entire our lives. so, i'm currently seeing the whole thing as a means to an end, which doesn't really seem like the best view of the situation either. as my mother would (and has) say, "you can survive anything for short amount of time when the end is clear." i know that. however, i'm coming to personally see it a tad differently. i know i can get through anything for a short time. i know that the end result will be worth it. however, seeing it as temporary only removes a very small portion of the frustration involved. i'm seriously working at cultivating a more positive, more healthy attitude, and i know that i'm going to need arm-loads of support and love from friends and family, but mostly from God. i'm going to complain less because let's face, as human beings, we enjoy wallowing in our own self-pity. there's no point and it helps noone. so, there's my first effort. i'm going to look harder for the positive, since every cloud has a silver lining (cliche, i know, however it rings true). i'm generally pretty good at this. in the work aspect of my life, however, i am not. so there's the second. i think i'll just work on two for now and add on later.
God, please guide me on a path of contentment and peace that only you can provide.

survived the ides of march

another month is almost gone and has it ever been a crazy one.
first, let's talk finished knit items. nerds wars has been an excellent motivater for really buckling down and crnaking knittiness out. my submission for the intellectual challenge this month was this hyrulian hat. the hubster loves it! it shall keep him safe on his daily quest to serve the powers that be and save the damsel in distress. really pleased with that one. my submission for the scientific challenge was my attempted duplication of a frost flower. once again, i'm really pleased with how it turned out (after a couple tries). (in the event that you can't see the pictures, they are also on my facebook) so pleased, in fact, i'm thinking of trying to do more flowers. i've been working out of this book and i'm having some pretty good luck with it. i'm also starting to think about teaching myself to crochet almost solely so i can make a zillion of the daffodils in the book. so bright and sunny and happy.
i mean, who doesn't like flowers? really? granted, cut flowers make me sad because i know they are going to wilt and die fairly soon (i know, lame). i would leap at having flowers all over our yard. unfortunately, i have a killer thumb (as opposed to a green thumb) and every plant i've ever had has died. poor things, they really didn't have a chance with me. anyway, flowers are just so pure and innocent, created that they would add beauty to this world. i love looking out the window while driving across the state. the wildflowers are just amazing. sigh. anyway, God did a pretty awesome job when it came to flowers.
now for the part of the month that has been less than stellar. the non-profit i currently work for has been restructuring. therefore, my job has changed drastically. i am immensely thankful to still have a job, don't get me wrong. however, i would have liked to have been consulted as to whether i wanted to do the work of two people. so, it has been a month of learning and attempting to do a new job while also doing to old one. there have many instances of me wandering the floor and sitting in the offices of others so i would simply not be at my desk for a few minutes. it has felt like my head was on the verge of imploding for the last several weeks. today, however, is a down day. finally. it feels good to not be running around like mike the headless chicken (yes, he is real. go look him up).
all the craziness has reminded me of several things this month that i really needed to be reminded of.
1. God is in control and He knows what He's doing.
2. He will not throw anything at me that He doesn't know i can handle. this is one i struggle with, personally. there have definitely been times lately where i was sure that i was being set up for failure. deep down this wasn't something i truly believed, but in my stressed out nearly-hyperventalating state, logical thinking wasn't really top priority. continuing brain function was.
3. we are in community for a reason. i would not have gotten through this month with the amazing woman whose job i took over (she got moved to being a case manager). she is astounding. i don't know how she did this every month, but i suppose i'll figure it out if i don't implode. also wouldn't have made it without several other co-workers and the hubster. they talk to me and help me calm down. he keeps me grounded and is always reminding me that i really can do this (we had both forgotten how easily i get overwhelmed some times). they all have my love and gratitude.
4. prayer really does work. He really is listening. He wants to help us. we just have to swallow our pride and ask. just asking for peace and calm throughout the days and getting it was, literally, a God send.
so, to wrap up, God is good. all the time. He meets you right where you are, no matter where that happens to be, and is exactly what you need. at least, i've been reminded that He is exactly what i need, not just throughout the craziness, but in every moment.
God, thank you for being my daffodil amidst the gloom.

round one: complete

round one officially came to a close on monday. i got my prime scarf submitted just in time (it was a very long day)(also if you can't see the picture through the link, they are all on my facebook here).
so, i promised to tell you all about my prime scarf. well, it was almost entirely based on a delightfully fabulous conversation from big bang theory (w00t for Team Bazinga!).

Sheldon: What is the best number? By the way, there's only one correct answer.
Raj: 5,318,008?
Sheldon: Wrong! The best number is 73. [Short silence] You're probably wondering why.
Leonard & Howard: No no, we're good.
Sheldon: 73, is the 21st prime number, it's mirror 37 is the 12th and it's mirror 21 is the product of multiplying, hang on to your hats, 7 and 3. Did I lie?
Leonard: We did it! 73 is the... Chuck Norris of numbers!
Sheldon: Chuck Norris wishes! In binary, 73 is a palindrome, 1001001, which backwards is 1001001, exactly the same. All Chuck Norris gets you backwards is Sirron Kcuhc!
Raj: Just for the record, when you enter 5,318,008 in a calculator, upside down it spells BOOBIES!

so, now you have a frame of reference. the challenge in the intellectual category in round one was prime numbers. therefore, my prime scarf is 73 inches long, 37 stitches wide, has 7 stripes, and has 3 colors. each little clover-thingy has 3 leaves and the colors of the stripes are arranged to represent 73 in binary (purple green green purple green green purple).
not gonna lie, i'm rather proud of myself. there was some frustration when, on all three of the last stripes, i ran out of the color i was using with only an inch and a half left. it was beyond irritating to have to go out and get an entire new skein in each color for only the last tiny bits. it was especially lame on saturday when i ran out of the purple i used at 8pm. i thought, "okay, just run to walmart two minutes away and grab another." got to walmart. they were completely out of the shade i needed. awesome. so i tootled my way to michael's (across town) to try again. i get there and they don't even carry the shade i'm looking for. it is now 8:30pm. i start fervently praying that hobby lobby closes at 9pm instead of the suspected 8pm. i get there at 8:40pm to see the manager locking the door. sigh. at this point i've driven in a decently large circle that resulted in disappointment. then it finally occurs to me that there is, in fact, a second walmart that i have not tried. i scoot myself back over to it (it is right my michael's, lame, i know). they have ten skeins of the shade i need. so, after purchasing it, i complete circle number three and finally go home at 9pm. epic, i know.
there, now you have all the details (i know you were chomping at the bit in anticipation, it's okay).
i actually started planning for round two yesterday and i am beyond excited about my plans. new things to learn and try out! huzzah! once again, i'll have more details as i finish things. suffice it to say, if all goes the way i want it to, i'm going to have some seriously delightful things to share. :D
frustration has a way of sneaking up on me without my noticing until it has pounced and sucked out all of the pleasant thoughts i was having before its arrival. i know this about myself. so does God, i'm certain. while frustration has a tendency to push other away from us, it also brings us together in an odd way. we share our frustrations and bond over them, causing them to no longer be something nasty. they turn into a connection point. afterall, very few problems in this world are new (we tend to repeat history regularly). therefore, there is always someone that's been there and done that and gotten through it relatively unscathed that can help us through when it is our turn. while i don't think that God sends us into suffering for His own amusement, i know that He doesn't let anything at us that we simply cannot handle. granted, handling it alone isn't His plan. He's here for us, as are the people around us. He puts us in community for a reason. if we were meant to do it all alone, there wouldn't even be a "we." thank His goodness that "we" is where He wants us, so we can thrive.

pushing through the fog

okay, i promised i would give more detail about my prime scarf. well, you are gonna have to keep waiting for those (you are completely heart broken, i know). i did, however, want to give a small update on how it is going. well, it isn't done yet. i know, what have i been doing for the last two weeks. answer: knitting like a crazy person and battling the ever present tired monster. i am nearly done with stripe number five, so there are only two left. i only have until monday to get it finished. therefore, you will definitely be hearing all about next week. there have been several hiccups along the way (stupid yo or lack there of), which have caused an increase in my foul language (not something i'm proud of) and a large amount of ripping out and redoing. frustration abounds, resulting in a mildly frightened hubster (sorry darling!).
a good chunk of my recent frustration is the direct result of how tired i've been over the last several weeks (could've been longer, that's just when i noticed it). i'll be working away in the evening and be suddenly overwhelmed by an incredible sense of "i must sleep now or die" kind of feeling, which almost inevitably leads me to basically passing out in my chair. lame, i know. so this has impeded progress significantly. hopefully, over the next couple of days, i will be able to overcome what seems to be an unending obstacle and crank out the last twenty someodd inches in time to wash and block on sunday.
well, i suppose this could be considered a test of my endurance and perseverance. i know, not a terribly large test of such things, but hey, it is big to me! Nerd Wars is encouraging me to push myself. speed is something i'm not too amazing at to start with. being tired all the time is not helping. i'll just have to keep pressing on and praying through it. i personally believe that God wants us to succeed in our endeavors and to help us along the way. He is fulling capable and has equipped us to follow Him. so, here i am, reaching out, asking that He help me along the way. i'm doing my best Lord, that's all i can really do without your hand to hold along the way. together, we'll do better.